Question by Lauri B: When to give trying to get an ex back?
I was in an 8 1/2 year relationship. Not living together. He stated 2 months ago that he lost a feeling for me and doesn’t know how to get it back. He wants to date other women, to see what it is or if it is really missing. He wants to come and go as he pleases without having to answer to anyone. Should I keep hoping, or just give up?

Best answer:

Answer by spiderfan1980
He might be right! He does sort of want his cake and eat it too but you shouldn’t give him anything if he is actively dating. You should date other people as well to see if your spark does remain. I am going through something similar now myself and it isnt easy. Good luck!

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!

When to give trying to get an ex back? is a post from: To Get Back Ex

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Latest Get Ex Back News is a post from: To Get Back Ex

When I was trying to save my marriage a couple of years ago, I read everything I could get my hands on that would help me prevent a divorce. I blindly followed most of this advice and found it to be flawed, not only because it didn’t work, but because it sets the couple on a frustrating path that doesn’t address the most immediate flaws and tensions before it attempts to tackle the “real problems” in the marriage.

Why Marriage Counseling And Some “Save Your Marriage” Programs Sometimes Miss The Point Or Don’t Work: Specifically, most “save your marriage” advice focuses on having the couple commit to difficult discussions and exercises geared toward fixing deep seeded problems in their marriage. While I absolutely agree this must be done eventually, in my experience what many marriage counselors, or programs fail to take in consideration is that often times there is one person or spouse who wants out of the marriage and there is usually one person who wants to save it. Getting the spouse who wants out of the marriage to submit to repeated questions and deep discussions about problems contributing to it will drive some of these folks even further away. Simply put, these unhappy spouses want to escape the situation, so submerging them into even more of it (and painful discussions about it) often just makes the problem worse.

Of course, the person who wants to save the marriage is often more than willing to talk about it endlessly or to do “whatever it takes” to reignite the spark. But this sort of “anything to save the relationship” stance often make this unsuspecting spouse appear even more unattractive to the spouse who wants to leave, again making the problem worse.

What’s Truly Key To Successfully Save A Marriage: From my experience, this process is backwards. It is my belief that most people who succeed in saving their marriage do so by first delaying the endless discussions or problem solving sessions. Instead, successful couples often first focus on reestablishing a positive relationship and feelings of empathy and protectiveness. If both parties don’t feel respect and at least some sort of affection or caring toward one another, then it’s unrealistic to think that they will be able to work out their problems in a long term way in which both people are equally on board and committed. Sure, one person may eventually give in, (just to keep the peace and stop all this communication on difficult subjects), but the issues will keep coming up, because both parties are not really committed to changing things.

To really solve marital problems, both husband and wife must be equally committed to doing so. This doesn’t often happen if the balance of power in the marriage is unequal, with one person wanting to save the marriage and other wanting to end it. Before you can change this, both parties must return to a place of affection and respect. How do you do this when you are perhaps the only one wanting to save the marriage?

How To Return Positive Feelings That Can Make Saving The Marriage Much Easier (Even When You’re The Only One Interested): In order to set the stage for avoiding a divorce or rescuing a relationship, you first need to take calculated steps meant to restore the positive image your spouse used to have of you when he first fell in love or the last time he / she was in love. I know this thought can be hard to wrap your brain around or accept. It’s easy to resent this, or to think it is unfair or game playing. You might think exactly as I initially did: “He / she doesn’t do anything to change for me. Why should I change or make the effort? Why am I the only one doing all of the work?” The answer is because taking these steps are going to benefit you in a few ways. Not only will this make you feel better and build your confidence, it may just get what you really want – your marriage back. And, once you restore the needed feelings, what you’re trying to do will be so much easier.

If a marriage is in trouble and needs to be saved, it’s often not strong enough to allow you to pick apart or rehash difficult issues. I don’t believe couples should attempt this until the relationship is back on a positive level for quite some time and until both parties are ready, receptive and committed.

You get to this place by either taking a brief break or by first ignoring the elephant in the room that is contributing to the most dire issues. You’ll address these later, but first you have to restore the positive feelings needed to get both parties on board.

If your spouse is not receptive to you, not talking to you, is not taking your calls, or is dead set on divorce, believe it or not the process is the same. You just have to move at a slower pace and take more calculated baby steps until you’re at a place where positive feelings have returned.

It took me a very long time to learn this. I made many mistakes. Luckily though, I was able to turn things around through research, learning new skills, and dumb luck. You can read my very personal story of how I prevented my impending divorce (when I was the only one who wanted to) by visiting my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com

Find More Save My Marriage Articles

Trying to Save Your Marriage? Here’s What Works To Save A Marriage (and What Doesn’t) is a post from: To Get Back Ex

Good luck,
Hypergirl37

how can i get my ex back after a 3 year break up? is a post from: To Get Back Ex

1. Ok. It Wasn’t Totally His/Her Fault

You know, if you look at it, you will find that you contributed to the breakup. Even if you were loving, kind, nice, sweet … and all the supposed good things you were, you still did something. It is amazing to see people get attracted to each other and then settle into some boring routine.

Most people say that love is in phases: attraction, attachment, security and all that. While this may be so, you should realise that something brought you two together in the first place. What did you see in him or her?
Think about this critically. Did you stop being playful? Did you get too serious and demanding? Did stop being sexy what he/she found intriguing at the onset? Did you stop being attentive?

You will notice that I did not ask the common questions like, “Am I not sexy anymore? Did I not give him enough?”. This is because most times, that’s not the issue. The issue is deeper and more ingrained. Think about this and find out where you went wrong. Please note: This phase is important and is the foundation for to get your ex back.

2. It’s Time For The Green Light

After you have found where you were wrong, call him/her and try to get together. When you get to meet, tell him/her where you went wrong. Most times, asking him/her may not be a good idea as they may be too nice to tell you. In some instances, they may not even know the real reason why they broke up with you. So, apologise and no matter how much you want to tell him/her you want them, DON’T! This is the second crucial thing to do to get your ex back.

3. Walk Away

As soon as you’re done, walk away. Do you understand that? Don’t go all mushy and teary. Don’t ask to be taken back. Pity wasn’t the reason he/she started dating you. It’s not the reason you’ll get your ex back. Even if the pain feels unbearable and you’re on the verge of tears, make sure you’re ought of sight or safely home before crying.

With these 3 moves, you have set the stage and have gotten the ball rolling to get your ex back. There’s more to this, but start with these and you will find that his/her interest in you will slightly increase.

what can i say to get my ex boyfriend back? is a post from: To Get Back Ex

Also while saying that, he said he may have feelings for someone else but he can’t even begin to think about it right now…. any advice for what to do with that?

Ever hear that saying, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder?" Or "Guys want what they can’t have?" Normally, I would say forget it, and move on. But it seems as if you love him, and when love is in the equation, logical answers don’t matter. So, let him have this break, yes, hang out with him, but male sure to not talk about your relationship, just be his friend for now. Being there for him, with no strings attached, will open his eyes. If not, its not meant to be.
Good Luck
I hope this helps

How to get back together with a guy – after you broke up with him and lied? is a post from: To Get Back Ex

Controversial Tactics to Win an Ex Back – Give Up Wanting Your Ex So That Your Ex Will Want You Back

Perhaps you have already broken up with your ex but you still want him/her back. So you tried all sort of things and take all sort of action, but it doesn’t seem to work. Why is that so?

Well, the fact is if you try to use logical methods to win your ex back, it can make the situation worse and the result may not be what you desire.

For example, you tried calling your ex. Your ex did not pick up the phone. What will you do next? Most probably, you will be tempted to take the logical approach.

“Well, if he/she did not pick up the phone, I will call him/her until he/she answers me.”

This is a very logical step that most people will take, but it is definitely not the best move. The truth is that because of panic, you will be anxious to call your ex over and over again until he/she picks up the phone.

This is a sign of desperation and your ex can sense it. If not, why are you calling him/her so often and so urgently?

Don’t do that. That will only make the situation worse. Instead, you will want to use the controversial tactics instead.

Perhaps, it will be very helpful to you if you know some basic human psychology. The fact is people desire what they do not or cannot easily have. If you can get something very easily, you will not desire it so much.

And that is why logical approach fails while controversial tactics work so much better.

In the logical approach, you are giving your ex the signal that he/she can easily get your back as and when he/she wants, since you are the one who is eager to get him/her back. This explains why your ex is not too keen to get back together with you.

So, why not try the controversial approach instead. Tell your ex that you respect his/her decision over the break up. You don’t want to call him/her to tell her that. Instead, sent your ex a letter instead.

You need to convey that you are alright with the break up. You don’t want to argue over the break up. This will open the door for you should you want to win your ex back in the future.

How to <a href=” http://www.squidoo.com/how_can_i_retrieve_my_ex_lover_back” target=”_blank”>stop a breakup</a>?

Watch a video that shows you exactly what you must NEVER do, what you should do to get your ex back and why at http://hubpages.com/hub/howshouldiwoomyexback

You will also learn how to reverse the situation if you have already done those things that should NEVER be done.

allan lim usa
http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/controversial-tactics-to-win-an-ex-back-give-up-wanting-your-ex-so-that-your-ex-will-want-you-back-697823.html

Controversial Tactics to Win an Ex Back – Give Up Wanting Your Ex so That Your Ex Will Want You Back is a post from: To Get Back Ex

How would an ex act if they were planning on getting back together with you? is a post from: To Get Back Ex

but how can i get my twilight dvd off him
if he wont anwser to me >.<

Twilight sucks, so good riddance.

Haha just kidding. If you purchased this DVD then it is legally yours. You can bring the police to his place to pick it up if he won’t answer you.

How can i get my dvd off my ex boyfriend? is a post from: To Get Back Ex