Posts Tagged ‘being a good friend’

I have been through a couple rocky relationships in my young life (I’m 23). My first boyfriend was controlling, jealous, put me down a lot, etc. My second boyfriend cheated on me a few times before I finally broke it off with him.

I just graduated college and met a really sweet guy. Unfortunately, I am scared to get hurt and our relationship had some issues due to this. He said that I shut myself down and distanced myself from him sometimes, and I couldn’t really trust him–not because of anything he did (he always called me when he said he would, etc.) I would think up all the signs that he was just using me/ didn’t really care and then yell at him about it/threaten to leave him, and he had no idea why I was so angry at him.

He put up with it for a while (3 months) but eventually got sick of it and broke it off with me, saying he didn’t want to lose me as a friend. We didn’t talk for about a week, then went out for drinks and ended up sleeping together again. We were going to "see where it went" but it didn’t work out again–nothing as bad as the first time, but I can tell he doesn’t fully trust me/isn’t ready to try again. He said he has feelings for me and is attracted to me but that it’s too stressful.

We decided we would stay friends. Do you think I have any chance of getting him back? I fully recognize how bad my behavior was and I’m willing to work on it. Should I just realize I messed up, move on, and try not to repeat the same mistake again? How can I chill out with the next guy?

Focus on being a good friend to him and in the meantime continue working on those areas of weakness. It may be that in time, with your ex seeing how much you’ve matured/changed for the better, he will want to be with you again.

However, don’t cling to that thought of being with him. It’s obvious that you do have trust issues and such, so spend time on yourself and keep your focus off of being in a relationship that you know you are not ready for. Make sure you do not step into rebound territory with some other person when you still have feelings for your ex because that would set you up for failure and bring you steps back away from the person you need to be in order to have a successful relationship.

So focus on yourself, enjoy being single, and keep yourself busy doing things that will take your mind off your ex.

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