Ex-City Council big Andrew Stein pleads guilty in tax fraud scheme

86 of 365 – move on


Image by paul+photos=moody
Move on. I’ve heard that a lot recently. The ‘move’ part is pretty clear… get over your ex, quit wanting the life you loved, stop being sad, hurt, depresssed, get busy and tear apart that old world, split it up and be done with it.

Easier said than done. I have two and a half more months to care for my teenage son, the dogs, the cats and house here in VT. All still in transition for a bit longer – can’t really ‘move on’ in that sense. Emotionally, I’m over her – moved on. But there is a an emptiness where she was – that emptiness creeps into everything i do or think about – it can be distracting and depressing – its hard to ignore.

The ‘on’ part of Move on is perplexing – on to what? I’ve tried to imagine being happy alone for awhile, and I can’t. Alone, I just don’t want to get up, do anything except go back to bed and hope tomorrow is better – but its not, nothing has changed, i’m still alone. It’s also not that being with someone new works either – the emptiness is still there and so is my history. What can you talk to someone new about when your entire life was shaped so much by your 27 years with someone else. There was no ‘just paul’ left after all those years – i became a paul that was part of a family and a couple. And if history is painful to talk about, just imagine a future with just about no plans (other than the next couple months of divorce stuff). Plans are usually ‘with someone’ and ‘towards some goal’ – I got neither right now.

So I can’t go back, can’t move on – yet. This is so much fun I can hardly wait for tomorrow to bring another day like this.

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