How do we get past what happened while separated now that we’re back together?

My husband and I separated after 4 years of marriage due to him cheating and me seeking attention from other men to make me feel better about the whole thing.(extremely immature,but it’s had to act rational in situations like that) While we were separated, he moved out and let me stay in the house although I wasn’t working. I was in school and taking care of our kindergarten daughter. I had many opportunities to mess around with other guys at first, but it didn’t feel right. My husband and I talked daily and it seemed things were looking up. He surprised me on my B day and took me out w all our friends and invited me to a Halloween party the following night. I assumed we were getting back together. The following night at the party I had too much to drink because I hadn’t eaten much and lost weight due to the stress of the break up. So I passed out early. I wake up the next morning, still in costume, at my house which is 30 min away from the Partyy. Only problem was that my husband wasn’t there. I called his phone w no answer. I got worried and scared. After hours of worrying and calling the hospital and jail he walks in the door. Come to find out he went all the way back to the party and slept w another woman he just met and said he didn’t feel bad because we wereseparatedd. I was so crushed. After that I had no qualms about doing what I wanted, granted it was my husband’s weekend w our daughter. He continued to have drunk hookups w random chicks..too many to count. 2 months later I met someone who really clicked w me. I was sick of being alone. I invited the guy to my house after getting to know him. My Husband kicked me and my daughter out of the house for that. I was forced to live w my sister in a very bad neighborhood.Christmas was rollingaroundd and he couldn’t make her pageant because he couldn’t get the day off although he’s never had a problem getting days off for UFC parties. Come tofind outt he was at a strip club. Then comes Christmas Eve. Him and I ae getting along really good again. He invites me to spend the evening w his family and he’ll pick us up after he finishes his shift. So he calls when he’s off and he sounds drunk. Three hours pass and I get a call from an unknown #..him from jail on Christmas Eve. He drank at work! He’s an EMT which is kinda like a paramedic. He had our daughter’s Xmaspresentss in the back seat. He lost his job,of coursee. So after all that he had the audacity to give me a hard time when I went out on Valentine’s Day. I felt so guilty, I dropped the other guy and husband and I started talking again. Our five year wedding anniversary comes up and he asks me to Dinner.I’m so thinking this is it. I even wore my ring. He never asked and when I brought it up he said he didn’t want to get back w me yet. A week later he asks if I want to be a family again. I say yes. Now we live at his parents house and are both unemployed. We constantly fight over the past. I love him so much but I feel ourbreakupp showed me his ugly side and it’s hard for me to see him the way I used to. Is this normal and how long will it take to pass? Our breakup lasted about a year and we’ve been back together for 6 months. I want to make it work. I can’t stand putting our daughter through that hell again.
@ agnostic whatever the fuck..it was a Christmas pageant w her entire kindergarten class at her private Catholic school!!! She was dressed as a sheppard. It was mandatory.
I am in no way analcoholic and never exposed my daughter to any bad behavior. I drank too much on one occasion as a result of emotional turmoil. I’m in school, looking for a job. I’m going through a hard time, I’m not a loser or a train wreck. My daughter is my world, which is why I hope her father and I work out.

Blame, Blame, Blame…….

Your marriage will NEVER work unless the BOTH of you can truly forgive the past and let it go.

Second time around rarely works out for couples, unless they can forgive and never bring it up again.
Sounds like you are wasting your life on a marriage that just wasn’t meant to last….Sorry